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The Legal Studies Forum Volume 30, Number 1/2 (2006) reprinted by permission Legal Studies Forum Lawyers & Poets Walk This Lonesome JAY BRYAN ________________________ Once You See the Hawk ■ November 29 a poem each day, in whose light I kneel and pray, candle lit for you. ■ November 30 ■ December 1 will always love you, I will always love you, my always true love. ■ December 2 [435]
■ December 3 a chickadee hops astride the bare oak tree branch; snow fills your footprints. ■ December 4 ■ December 5 look, wind-spun birds— do they fret for their next meal? buy a Christmas tree. ■ December 7 ■ December 8 spiraling tree-shadows dance on our neighbor's siding— your prayers thunder through me. [436]
■ December 12 believing invisible you, we skate on, on black ice that others fall through ■ December 13 ■ December 16 praying mantis sits, waits, watches and wonders— she will be answered.
[437] ■ December 18 lonely cardinal trills to the morning sunrise— your phone is busy. ■ December 20 ■ December 21 purple swallowtail floats among black-eyed susans— civilization.
■ December 26 tired, faceless leaf blows across the empty street— your past, discarded pain. [438]
■ December 27 ■ January 1 Qui plantavit curabit— he who plants preserves; you, a mustard seed. ■ January 3 ■ January 7 be of good cheer, now; I am here, here forever; so do not be afraid. ■ January 10 [439]
■ January 14 spiritual work— our prayer and thought, your suffering— deserves holy rest.
■ January 16 have mercy on us, have mercy, most merciful god of all mercy. ■ January 17 ■ January 20 let this night there be— one touch, one look, one forgiving— let this night be [440]
■ January 21 ■ January 22 the hickory bush outside your room never changes— sparrows fly in and out.
■ January 28 its blurred mystery works but doesn't tell us how— a sudden healing. ■ January 29 [441] ■ February 2 loon family calls to each other, as stars cover the lake, songs against darkness. ■ February 3 ■ February 4 we trout swim together unaware the osprey hovers, choosing one of us. ‡ in the exploding froth trout scatter; one gets lifted— struggling to be free. ■ February 9 [442]
■ February 10 mist covers a still pond in whose waters a heron pauses— your face appears to me. ■ February 12 ■ February 13 hold still. hummingbird nears its nectar, deer their stream, and you your healing. ■ February 18 ■ February 19 yellow daffodil heralding spring's resurrection breaks winter's spell. [443]
■ February 21 ■ February 25 don't we know, don't we realize, we dare not squander these precious moments. ■ February 26 ■ February 28 used cicada skin under the magnolia tree— shed your body and sing. [444]
Epilogue
My wife, Carroll, passed away on February 28, 1993. With one eye always open to the eternal, she lived her forty-four years immersed in the life of the living. In the summer of 1978, she took class at the First Church of Christ Scientist in Boston, Massachusetts, and became a practicing Christian Scientist. As I welcomed her home after two long weeks away, little did I know the challenge that her beliefs would eventually bring us. During our next fourteen years together, Carroll worked with joy and fervor to understand the tenets of Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of Christian Science, and to practice them. Not many knew of her search; for all of her wit, love of life, joy, and dramatic flair, her religious beliefs were not for debate or dramatization. On November 9, 1992, she was called to follow these beliefs absolutely. They require all healing to be achieved through prayer and understanding of God, and, as a result, abstention from the use of physicians and medicine. She never hesitated in choosing to follow her faith, and from that day forward, did not use medicine or seek medical intervention. One afternoon, she looked at me for a longtime, and finally said, "You are a witness." Through these poems, yes, Carroll, I am a witness. Created in the light of your faith, they speak about your final earthbound days when your soul was healed and then, in February, peacefully ascended. I only hope that by way of these poems, others can reflect on the difficult choice you made and the beauty of it, renew their own faith, and be uplifted in life by your undying spirit. [445]
Jay Bryan lives near Carrboro, North Carolina. He graduated from Yale University in 1971 and received his J.D. from North Carolina Central University in 1977. He is presently an attorney/mediator specializing in family and juvenile law. Bryan is the author of Haiku for Carroll (1994) and the organizer of poetry readings for Carrboro Day. He is generally credited with originating the idea of a Carrboro poet laureate, making Carrboro the only town in North Carolina with it's own poet laureate. The selection of poems titled "Once You See the Hawk" were originally published in Haiku for Carroll in 1994. |
