Jamail Center for Legal Research
Tarlton Law Library

In the Mountain

Moods of naked stone, 
Summer ice, steeps, storms, 
Graves growing green;
Hidden harrowed hope
and proud courage.

You were there and were mountains.
We found together 
Firm sudden springs under the stone.

Green Eggheads and Old Hams

-an academic variation on a theme 
    of Professor Seuss

That dean of mine, 
That dean of mine,
I do not like
That dean of mine.

Would you like a meeting time?

I don't like meetings, Dean of mine.

Will you be meeting here or there?

I don't like meetings anywhere.
I don't like meetings, here or there.
I'll do my share, and 
Toe the line
But not at meetings, Dean of mine.

Your meeting, then, is in the hall?
Is your group meeting, then, at all?

I don't like meetings in the hall.
I don't like meetings, Dean, at all.
I'll work well, no horses spare.
But, please, don't meet me anywhere.
I don't like meetings, Dean of mine.
I do not want a meeting time.
Not in your room, not in the hall.
Not even there-nowhere at all.

Would you, could you,
If not long
Try it; you just
Might be wrong.

I would not, could not, if not long.

You may like it.
You will see.

Try a meeting.
Come with me.

Dean, I hate them here or there.
I hate all meetings, foul or fair.Short ones, indoors, or fresh air.

Round trip by train?
Paid for by plane?
Could you do it if you travel?

Sorry, Dean, I will not travel
If the trip involves a gavel.
Not Chicago on a trip, 
Not Oahu on a ship,
No airplane to San Diego.
Not there-it's where they go.
I will not meet in Shaker Heights,
Nor at the end of first-class flights.
I'll write books or even read them.
I'll give D's to those who need them.
But not your meetings, Dean of mine.
I don't like meetings anytime.

Say:
On retreat?
That's where we'll meet;
Could you, Would you, on retreat?

I would not, could not, ever meet.
No meetings, even on retreat.

Could you, would you,
At the beach?

Would not, could not, at the beach.
Not that, Dean, I'd rather teach.
Not in ski places.  Not at sea.
Not in mountains-no, Dean, not me.
I can't stand meetings, Dean, you see.
I can't stand all those monologues;
I'm nervous under rolling logs.
Please, don't take my life of ease.

Count me out-no meetings, please.

You don't like meetings anytime?

I don't like meetings, Dean of mine.
You don't like meetings,
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

Dean, if you will let me be.
I will meet once, and you will see.

Say:
I like meetings, Dean of mine.
I'm all for meetings, any time.
Unexamined observations:
Noisy, righteous explanations:
They are all mine now, anywhere.
I'm bound for meetings here and there.
I'm for meeting in a hall.
I'll meet anywhere at all.
But say the word and I will meet- 
Airport motels on retreat.

Meetings don't require much thought.
They're restful and they count for naught.
No students to be seen for miles,
No footnotes here, no dusty files.
Pantalogue is what I cherish.
I'll not publish nor yet perish.

I now like meetings, anytime.
Thanks. Move over, Dean of mine!
 
 
 

Note: On "pantalogue," in "Green Eggheads and Old Hams," and with thanks to my late colleague and friend Ed Murphy, see "Thirteen Rules for Academic Meetings," 24 J. Legal Educ. 73 (1973).

Thomas L. Shaffer is retired from the Notre Dame Law Faculty and works as a volunteer supervising attorney in the Notre Dame Legal Aid Clinic, where he is again active as a Hoosier lawyer. He has published eighteen books and hundreds of articles. Besides Notre Dame, he taught law at Washington & Lee, University of Maine, University of Virginia, Boston College, and U.C.L.A.  Shaffer was Dean of the Notre Dame Law School from 1971 to 1975. Shaffer was born in Billings, Montana. He now resides in Niles, Michigan. 
"In the Mountain" was first published in Social Change (1971).