The University of Texas at Austin

Law in Popular Culture collection

Double
Billing

A Young Lawyer's Tale of Greed, Sex,
Lies, and the Pursuit of a Swivel Chair

Cameron Stracher

New York, William Morrow and Company, Inc., 1998
reprinted by permission of the author
 

Discovery

"Bury them," says Charlie.
     Another day, a new case. I review the twenty-two-page Request
for Production of Documents that Charlie has handed me. It appears
to be a command from a plaintiff in an antitrust and racketeering
lawsuit to produce seventy-eight categories of documents relating to
its claim that our client has conspired to artificially inflate the prices

[108]

of automotive parts. Charlie explains that the plaintiff is an auto-
maker that believes our client secretly agreed with other manufac-
turers of auto parts--its competitors--to raise prices for the parts
in violation of the laws meant to foster open competition.
     "Fifty million door handles," Charlie continues. "Let them figure
it out."
     I nod encouragingly. Perhaps if they figure it out I won't have to.
     "When can you go to Detroit?"
     "Detroit?" I ask dazedly, an animal blinded by headlights.
     He flips through a calendar on his crowded and disheveled desk.
"Thursday? I'm free on Thursday."
     The traffic will not stop; it rushes right past me, thundering in my
ears like cascading water. Am I going to Detroit with Charlie?
Squeezed in next to him on an airplane? Thin and airless conver-
sation at thirty thousand feet?
     "You won't have to spend the weekend," he assures me. "We'll
scope it out. Two days, max. You can bring a paralegal back, if you
need one."
     The plot thickens like a B-grade horror movie. Two of us are
going, but only one of us is coming back. They will find my body
beneath a mountain of door handles. Another associate lost in the
wild reaches west of the Hudson.
     Charlie buzzes his secretary and arranges for two tickets to De-
troit, a rental car, and a hotel. Separate rooms, he reminds her. I
laugh nervously, avoiding his eyes. I don't want to learn too much
about him.
     "It's a pit, Detroit," he says. "And the client's a jerk."
     "Sounds like fun," I joke.
     He looks at me as if I've just praised National Socialism. "Fun?"
he repeats. Could I be that starved for amusement? Perhaps they
need to give me more work. Or maybe less work and more mileage.
"I remember when I thought traveling was fun," he says without
humor.
     And darkness was upon the earth.

*     *     *

[109]

     "Detroit," I say to Julia.
     "At least it's not Des Moines," she says, and she should know.
     "Don't knock Iowa," says Tom to his wife. "My wife is from
Iowa."
     "No, I'm not." Julia says. "Not that Iowa, anyway. I'm from Iowa
City. The People's Republic."
     "I thought Cambridge was the People's Republic," says Kate.
     "It's the same joke for every college town," Tom reassures her.
     I signal the bartender and order another round of drinks. We are
downtown, a happy foursome, while the river, dark and poisonous,
 coils blackly a hundred feet away. The bartender sports a veritable
chain-link fence along one ear; a metal ball glints in his tongue. He
delivers my drink with a sneer at my tie. It's not one of my favorites.
     "I don't know why I feel so lousy," I say, suddenly feeling lousy.
     "Detroit," Julia says succinctly.
     I'm about to protest, to tell her I don't mind a trip, there are
worse things than leaving the office for a week, when I understand
the metaphor: Detroit, not as city, but as state of mind. Detroit as
the place I will return to over and over again in my legal career.
Detroit as an option foreclosed.
     "Next time they'll send you to San Francisco," she says. "You'll
be much happier."
     Julia is one of my closest friends but she couldn't construct a
metaphor with the teacher's manual. For her, San Francisco is, lit-
erally, heaven; Des Moines, hell; Detroit, somewhere in between.
American cities range across a topography of distinction. For me,
the entire country is one big plain on which to practice law.
     "Do you like your job?" I ask Julia.
     "Sure. Sometimes. Don't you?"
     "I'm not sure," I say. Long days, late nights, my labors chewed
up arid spit out by senior associates without comment. It's an ap-
prenticeship, to be sure, but so far no one's taken much time to
teach me anything. The work I've done feels superfluous: databases
that aren't used, research memos that disappear into someone's file
drawer, briefs that are reconstructed from whole cloth. Hard work

[110]

is one thing, make-work an entirely different matter. "Maybe I'm
not cut out for full employment," I say.
     Tom laughs. He has smoker's teeth, though he doesn't smoke;
thinning, wispy hair; and a drinker's belly. He is also the only person
I know on whom these flaws combine attractively. It helps that he's
tall, with strong features; but mostly, I think, it's because his physical
imperfections grace him with the body of someone who laughs a lot
and lives lavishly, which he does. He's the perfect antidote to Julia's
caution.
     "Who wants to work?" he asks.
     "Julia does," I say. "You do. So does Kate."
     "I hate my job," Kate protests.
     "Kat, you love it," I remind her.
     "They call me an editorial assistant so they can pay me half of
what they pay the secretaries. They think I'm too dumb to notice."
     "The only reason I became a journalist is I was too lazy to go to
law school," says Tom.
     "That's not true," says Julia, rushing to her husband's defense.
     "I signed up for the LSATs and overslept."
     "But now you work all the time," I say.
     "See what a stupid decision I made," says Tom.
     "All my roommates went to law school," says Kate. "I'm the only
one without a real career."
     "Publishing is a career," I say.
     "Publishing is dead. Don't you know that? No one reads anymore.
They just buy the movie rights. We're the minor leagues for Holly-
wood studios."
     "And all the studios are run by lawyers who hated practicing law,"
Tom adds.
     A sobering silence creeps over the table. "I'm sorry I started this,"
I say. "Is anybody happy?"
     "Julia," says Tom.
     As one we turn to Julia, her pale face like an echo in the darkened
room.
     "It's not a crime," she says.

[111]

     "You're old-fashioned," says Tom with the confidence of long
acquaintance. "You think people should work for a living.
     "I like learning a client s dusmess, Julia says. I like the respon-
sibility. I like solving problems." She takes a long sip from her Tan-
queray and tonic, then turns to me. "Isn't that what it's all about?"
     I tell her about the hours spent preparing the database that was
never used, researching case law for invisible memoranda, writing a
motion that became fodder for a senior associate.
     "You can't worry about that stuff," she says, waving a lime wedge.
"They're paying you to do it. Somebody thinks it's worthwhile."
     "But what if it isn't?"
     Julia sets down her drink. This is serious business. I have called
her legal being into question. She will not allow herself an existential
crisis.
     v"You represent a client," she begins. "The client has been sued.
If you think the suit is frivolous you can't choose not to defend it.
Blame the people who brought the lawsuit, or blame the system. But
the client needs your help. That's your job."
     I have had too much to drink. We all have. Julia's patriotic stir-
rings only make me feel morose. Once upon a time she shared a
healthy cynicism for big firms. Get their name on your resume, she
advised, then take the money and run when you have to. Now she
sounds like roots are growing where her feet once were.
     "You have an ethical obligation to represent that client zealously,"
she continues. "If you don't, you can bet your adversary will. Your
client wants to win. That's the bottom line. Can you look your client
in the eye and tell him you did everything you could to win?"
     "Even if you've destroyed the rain forest?" Tom asks.
     "What is the rain forest? Have you ever seen it? The lawyers on
the other side would mow it down to get to you."
     It's late. I'm tired. I lack the energy to debate ethics and the
proper allocation of resources with Julia. The world is a finite place
with a limited amount of time for zealousness. Scientists have yet to
discover a cure.
     "Damn the rain forest," Tom agrees. "Let's drink."

[112]

     Kate says she's already drunk. "Somebody should take advantage
of me," she adds.
     "That's what makes America great," says Tom. "Everyone gets
screwed."
     "Please, save the conspiracy theories for your newspaper bud-
dies," Julia says.
     "You'll see," says Tom, waving a finger at me. "You become one
of them or they kill you."
     "Thanks, Tom," I say.
     "You're cut off," says Julia. She signals the bartender for our
check.
     Tom protests, but Julia has spoken, and he accepts his fate like a
man used to accommodating someone else's schedule.
     We pay our tab. Tom leaves an extravagant tip. The bartender
sweeps the loot into a can with the back of a tattooed hand. He
does not look at us.
     The night air off the Hudson is heavy with the smell of rotting
piers and dead fish. Two men in leather chaps breeze past. Julia
hugs me while Tom hugs Kate. Then Julia hugs Kate while I hug
Tom. We promise to call. We hardly see enough of each other. A
ball's arc across the park and yet we practically live in different cities.
We wave good-bye as the lights of their cab blink off into the dis-
tance.
     Kate and I shuffle up the avenue past the tavern where, Kate
points out, Dylan Thomas drank himself to death.

Scott Turow's shadow looms over any account of Harvard Law
School. His book One L has served two decades of law students,
not just at Harvard, as a bible of the first-year law school experience.
     It's time to read another book.
     It's not that Turow's report from the front lines is inaccurate, but
his observations are dated by a generation. The law students I met
at Harvard were a much more ambivalent and cynical bunch than
Turow's contemporaries. Turow expressed few misgivings about the
wisdom of a career in law. To him, the question was not why go to

[113]

law school (although in the depths of finals he allowed himself some
small rumblings), but how to get through it. His book reads like the
notes of a hardy, plucky survivor, a boot-camp memoir. Today, law
students have nothing but doubts: about the nobility of their chosen
profession, about their interest in it, and about its interest in them.
It's no coincidence that so many law students want to write screen-
plays or legal thrillers: anything but practice law. Many of them see
law as a good background for a career in the entertainment industry;
others hope the background will provide a foreground for something
else. Few are capitalists. Fewer still are idealists. Almost none want
to change the world.
     Keep your options open, my parents said. Keep your options
open, the career counseling center said. Keep your options open, we
told each other. Can you open a door without stepping through it?
Once you've stepped through, can you really go back? Though I
know lawyers who., finally living out their college fantasies, became
Broadway lyricists, screenwriters, television producers, writers, and
poets, they didn't go through the door so much as sidestep it. Law
was an expensive detour through which they traveled to reach their
happy resting place. They could have, and probably should have,
avoided law school entirely. As one of them put it, she was meant
to have a lawyer, not be one. But they were the exceptions. Most of
my classmates, once they went through that door, found it was im-
possible to turn around.
     For three years I ignored my own doubts. I fit so snugly into an
academic routine that I barely breathed. Classes, papers, exams, va-
cation. Most of my life had been a variation on these themes. Why
shouldn't I find comfort in the familiar?
     Law school was a breezy reincarnation of everything that had
come before it, with fewer tests and larger classes where one could
dive into anonymity. There was little of the terror described by Tu-
row, and certainly nothing like that fictionalized by John Osborn in
The Paper Chase. Professors were, for the most part, liberal (more
liberal, even, than their students) and, with one or two exceptions,
benevolent and easygoing. Even the professors who tried to frighten

[114]

us, like the Contracts professor who targeted Julia the first day of
class, did so more out of obligation, as if they had read the book
and were trying to play the part. We soon saw through their terrorist
act. By the middle of the second year, when most of us had jobs
lined up for the summer, class attendance dropped dramatically, stu-
dents avoided the seating chart by "back-benching" it, and profes-
sors pleaded with us to do the reading.
     During my last year in law school, I spent Wednesday nights with
a revolving group of friends, including Julia and Tom if he was
around, whirling through the carousel of Boston's nightlife to cele-
brate the "hump" of the week, 'We partied like high school seniors
whose final grades had been submitted and college acceptance letters
safely tucked in a desk drawer. Julia, her pale hair cut in an asym-
metrical bob, drank without a curfew or a cutoff. Tom, after several
rounds, might be cajoled into dancing, shuffling awkwardly to an
off-key bar band. I slept through so many Thursday morning classes
I should have received a tuition rebate.
     We were young. The law was benevolent and pure. We didn't
know how our lives would turn out, yet we were sure only good
things would happen.
     But sometimes, at the end of the night, as I struggled with my
blankets and the sounds of Cambridge street life, the thin notes of
doubt would drift into my bed. Three more years of school and I
was no closer to discovering whether there was water at the bottom
of my leap into law. Soon I would be a lawyer, and though I had
very little idea of what that involved, I knew it meant the end of a
certain kind of freedom and the luxury of an academic life. Playing
lawyer during the summer was fun, but I could only guess what the
winter would bring. Give it a chance, I heard my parents say, but
the nagging notes remained.
     I remembered the first days of law school as I struggled to find
my classes, to understand the assignments, to overcome my intimi-
dation by people like Julia who seemed to have a better grip on the
fundamentals. But by Christmas the unfamiliar had become routine,
certainly manageable, entertaining at times. And by the end of three

[115]

years I was tired of comfort and ready for change. Tired of a lifetime
spent in school. The working world beckoned, financial indepen-
dence, a new profession, a regular paycheck, growing up.
     I would never know until I tried.

We fly coach. Charlie is upset. He always flies business class, but on
this short hop to Detroit coach is the only option. He thumbs angrily
through the in-flight magazine while I try to read the newspaper. I
offer him a section, but he shrugs it off. At thirty thousand feet he
calls his secretary on the airphone to check for messages. Apparently,
there are none, because he returns to the advertisements for travel
luggage and portable computers.
     I lay the business section on the empty seat between us like an
invitation. When we checked in, the travel agent had booked us two
adjacent seats. Fortunately, the plane was half empty, sparing me the
horror of wedging myself next to Charlie's body. Now the empty
seat yawns awkwardly, a reminder that though we are colleagues, we
are not friends.
     Charlie picks up the newspaper and flips through the market
news. "TriCom's up a quarter," he notes.
     I noticed. Though the TriCom securities case had entered a quiet
phase following the loss of our motion to dismiss, the case still lurked
omnipresently. The plaintiffs' lawyers were, no doubt, gearing up for
the next phase of the litigation. Yet if the company's software really
were flawed, it was interesting that the stock could still rise. Some-
body was making money.
     "A sucker's born every minute," says Charlie.
     "You think it's a scam?" I ask naively.
     "They're clients," he warns.
     "Maybe we should settle."
     Charlie looks disdainfully at me. His lip curls and the dried
patches of skin along his nose turn white. He explains you can't toss
in the towel every time your client gets sued, even if they've done
something wrong, which he's not admitting TriCom did. You have

[116]

to push the parameters, discover the scope of the wrongdoing, let
the system determine the appropriate punishment.
     "Criminal lawyers never ask their clients if they're guilty," I offer,
one of the few things I remember from my criminal law class.
     "Exactly," says Charlie. "That's not your job." In a civil lawsuit,
he adds, liability is rarely clear. Settlement may be in the client's best
interest, but it may also expose the client to more lawsuits. Until
you've examined the strength of your case through litigation, and
the weakness in theirs, you can't recommend an appropriate settle-
ment.
     Though I nod my head in earnest agreement, I wonder if it's just
a happy coincidence that we're earning six figures while allowing
justice to take its long and twisted course. Perhaps if you're going
to be a pawn, it's better to be an expensive one.
     Charlie returns to the paper, signaling the end to our conversation.
I am content to stretch my legs into the aisle, count the frequent-
flier miles. My first trip on C & C's dime--or, rather, the client's
dime. I'm happy, also, to be out of the office and away from the
endless stream of research memoranda. I am meeting a client, a real,
live, actual client, a privilege more frequently reserved for partners
and senior associates. I am gathering facts like a collector of trinkets.
When I am finished, I will carry them home for the paralegals to
display on the shelves.
     Detroit is not a metaphor, I think; it's a real city and I am going
to it. I close my eyes and enjoy the ride.

Our client is not in Detroit, but in one of the sprawling suburbs that
ring the city. You could drive for miles and never actually meet a
person. The entire country spreads toward Los Angeles while Los
Angeles itself falls into the sea. Maybe we are already in Los Angeles.
But for the weather, who could tell?
     Charlie refuses directions, as a result of which I get to see a wide
swath of this great land of ours. Strip malls and corporate parks.
Apartment complexes and multiplexes. Finally, we arrive at Dekor

[117]

Industries headquarters. Charlie is in a foul mood when we pull up
to the bronzed-windowed building with the phallic logo and stern
guard in a booth by the gate. The guard takes forever phoning
whomever he needs to phone, and when he finally clears us, Charlie
is prepared to admit liability on behalf of Dekor, turn around, and
go home.
     We park in the visitors' lot, not a single foreign-made car in sight.
As we walk to the entrance, I catch our reflection in the bronzed
windows. We are dressed in nearly identical gray suits, white shirts,
and red ties, and carry black briefcases. Though Charlie's suit is
pinstriped and rear-vented, and mine is a ventless Italian cut, I re-
alize that few people would make a distinction. To the world at large,
we are lawyers. We might as well be wearing uniforms with our
names stenciled on the front and Crowley & Cavanaugh printed on
the back. We Defend.
     We sign in at the reception desk, where another guard scrutinizes
our handwriting to determine whether we are labor agitators. When
he's satisifed that we are, instead, management tools, he issues us
visitors' badges with our names misspelled and barely legible. There
is some kind of metal sensor embedded at the top of the card. I
imagine myself, like Karen Silkwood, setting off a radiation detector
as I try to leave the building and being forced into a scalding shower
where the skin is rubbed from my body. Later I will be trailed by a
mysterious car and forced from the road off a steep incline, my body
burned beyond recognition.
     A perky woman in a red suit greets us as we start down a gray
corridor. Call her Carrie, she says, as if that were her name. She
explains that she is Hamilton Williams's assistant, the man we've
come to see, the general counsel and executive vice president. She
keeps up a steady chatter as we walk up a flight of stairs and out
onto a carpeted hallway. Did we have a good trip? Did we have any
trouble at the airport? Do we love Michigan? The walls are lined
with posters that urge employees to join the Team, Stay with the
Ball, Focus on the Goal.
     "Coffee, tea, pop?" asks Carrie when she has delivered us into

[118]

Mr. Williams's waiting room. It takes me a second to realize she's
offering us soda, not marijuana. These days, I think, anything is
possible.
     Though it's not yet noon, Charlie asks for a Coke. I choose the
mud-flavored coffee.
     "Charles!" booms Hamilton Williams, I presume, a ruddy man in
a steak-colored suit. He strides out of his office like a cavalry officer
and pumps Charlie's arm as if mining for water. Charlie smiles
weakly, clearly overwhelmed by Williams's enthusiasm. I stand awk-
wardly beside Charlie, waiting for him to introduce me.
     "Hamilton Williams!" says Hamilton Williams, extending one
quarrying hand to me.
     "Hello, Mr. Williams," I say as I vibrate from his handshake.
     "Ham, please," he says.
     I'll be damned if I call anybody "Ham," but I nod my head as if
acknowledging the reasonableness of his request.
     Hamilton corrals us into his office. It's the biggest office I've ever
seen. If you tossed a football at the opposite wall you could barely
reach it. A line of windows opens onto a view of an enormous tin-
roofed warehouse. Golf trophies bedeck the counter beneath the
windows. Photographs of blond children so perfect that I suspect
he's purchased them ring his nearly empty bookshelves.
     Charlie and I sit on a love seat while Hamilton pulls up a chair.
He wants to know about New York, C & C, Eric, everything but
the case. We chat for about ten minutes until Carrie interrupts him
for a phone call. Charlie and I wait awkwardly as he conducts some
transaction. Then he apologizes, returns to his chair, and resumes
the conversation. After another five minutes Carrie interrupts again,
and again he has another extended phone conversation. Each con-
versation is polite, jocular, but clearly business. Americans making
deals. Each time he returns to his chair, he apologizes and picks up
the thread of our conversation exactly where he left off. In this way,
we spend our morning in Hamilton Williams's office, sitting on the
love seat, listening to his phone transactions, resuming our conver-
sation, until it is time for lunch.

[119]

     Carrie has made reservations in the executive dining room. But
when we arrive only one other table is occupied and I wonder why
she bothered. A headwaiter directs us to our seats while a busboy
quickly pours water. The lunchroom is wood paneled and serene,
with watercolors of ducks, geese, and other assorted fowl on the
walls. The tables are solid oak, the chairs so heavy I can barely budge
mine. Despite the atmosphere, Hamilton does not order a martini;
he orders a diet Coke. Charlie orders a regular Coke. I consider
completing the holy triumvirate of Coca-Cola products by ordering
a cherry Coke, but think better of it and stick with water.
     We are well into dessert, a frothy concoction that purports to be
tiramisu, when the subject of our trip is finally broached. And even
then the discussion is waylaid by rounds of hearty handshakes from
a trio of executives who enter the dining room just as Charlie clears
his throat. They are vice presidents from some division or other,
gray men in gray suits, who, when they hear we are lawyers, make
the sign of the cross.
     "I didn't do it," says one.
     "He did it," says another.
     Charlie fakes a tense laugh, and I smile as if my face were painted
with quick-drying glue.
     "What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the
ocean?" asks the third, emboldened by his colleagues' riotous sense
of humor. 
     We shrug, though I've heard the joke before.
     "A good start," he concludes.
     More backslapping and hand-pumping ensues until the men fi-
nally snort off to their table.
     "He didn't mean it," says Hamilton solicitously.
     "No one does," says Charlie.
     "A smile is your best defense," Hamilton opines.
     Charlie slips the document request out of the thick Redweld he's
been clutching as if it contained the nuclear codes and lays the re-
quest on the table. Hamilton glances at the table of vice presidents
and motions for Charlie to keep his voice down.

[120]


     "We're all a little sensitive about this," he explains.
     Charlie says we don't intend to get into the merits of the allega-
tions, or the defense of the case. Right now we're just gathering
documents.
     "Let's go back to my office," says Hamilton.
     Charlie grimaces at me, his first visible sign of frustration. I wrap
a cookie in a napkin and sneak it into my pocket. Though I under-
stand Charlie's frustration, this is still more fun than sitting in the
library. And it's all billable.
     When we've safely returned to our love seat, Hamilton invites
Carrie into his office so Charlie can explain the nature of our
quest. Hamilton hasn't been ``focused," he explains; he's had so
many other tasks. Carrie, however, has done a preliminary search
for documents and she can point us in the right direction. As he
speaks, his eyes drift toward the window and at the enormous
warehouse beyond.
     Charlie withdraws the document request from his Redweld again
and begins to describe the broad categories of documents the plain-
tiffs have requested. Carrie pulls out her own version, a copy Charlie
faxed Hamilton several weeks ago, that has been highlighted and
tabbed. She nods along with Charlie's descriptions.
     Charlie explains that for now we're gathering everything vaguely
responsive. Later we'll make a determination as to what, exactly,
should be turned over and what should be objected to. Essentially,
we want to copy every document that has anything to do with eight
different auto parts: contracts, invoices, sales agreements, correspon-
dence, everything. These are the documents the plaintiff hopes will
prove its case that Dekor secretly agreed with its competitors to raise
prices of auto parts to an artificially high level.
     After about four minutes, Hamilton claps his hands once and
turns to Carrie. "If you need anything," he says, either to Carrie or
to us, it's hard to tell, "give a holler."
     Charlie looks stricken, as if he has been cut down in his prime. I
understand that we are being dismissed, but where to and in what
direction, no one says.

[121]

     "I hope you brought your T-shirts," says Carrie. "It's hotter than
a piston in that warehouse."

At Crowley & Cavanaugh it was common practice to bill a client for
travel time. When I went to Detroit my "clock" started running the
minute I left my apartment. Thus, even though I did not arrive in
Hamilton Williams's office until 10:30, I had already billed four
hours on the case. While some clients did not pay for travel time,
most did, and in fact C & C expected it as a cost of doing business.
C & C also expected the client to pay for business-class travel on
flights longer than five hours. Though clients have become more
cost-conscious and the market for law firms more competitive,
C & C still managed to dictate most terms of its retainer agree-
ment. Sometimes C & C would agree to a ten percent discount, or
a capped fee, but those situations were unusual. Because of its rep-
utation, C & C could still afford a certain arrogance.
     From an associate's perspective, billing for travel is a freebie; not
billing for travel, a calamity. If you can bill for travel time, then
everything you do, even if it's only reading the newspaper on the
airplane, is chargeable to the client. When I went to Detroit, I billed
twelve hours that first day, but only eight of those hours were real
work. If you can't bill for travel, then all your time in a taxi, in
traffic, at the airport, on a plane, in transit to your destination is
wasted. Instead of billing twelve hours for an eight-hour day, you
bill eight hours for a twelve-hour day. Imagine your unhappiness.
     C & C also billed for lunch and all casual conversation with a
client. After all, who should pay for my time if Hamilton Williams
decided to chat my ear off in the executive dining room? Should
C & C provide Hamilton with a free escort service? Should I have
to work late one Friday night in order to make up the lost hours? I
was evaluating what kind of witness Hamilton would make if the
case went to trial, I told myself as I filled out my time sheet. Ham-
ilton had only himself to blame for the bill.
     Thus, my twelve-hour day in Detroit was really a four-hour day,
discounting travel, meals, inane conversation. Four hours in which

[122]

Charlie and I roamed the aisles in a gigantic overheated warehouse
searching for documents. Four hours that felt like twelve. Four hours
that could have been twelve but, mercifully, were not. That's why I
loved travel: the hours were like frequent-flier miles, they accumu-
lated while I sat on my ass.

There's a treadmill in the hotel health club. Who needs metaphor
when the real thing stares you in the eye like a medieval torture
instrument? It's too dark to run outside in a strange city where the
murder rate makes New York seem like Disneyland. Even in the
suburbs children kill each other for sneakers.
     I would love to exercise, to walk more than fifty feet from the car
to an office to a warehouse to a car. Instead, I have to meet Charlie
in the lobby for dinner. I check into my room, where I take a hot
shower, using all the ablutions left for me on the bathroom sink:
soap, shampoo, conditioner, rinse, body bath, hair gel. Then I put
the same clothes back on: same underwear, socks, shirt, suit, and tie,
as if I never wore anything else. I shine my shoes with the shoe-mitt
hanging in the closet. It is still early, so I take a minute to poke
through the pamphlets left near my bedside. Visit Detroit. Excur-
sions on the Lake. White Flight from the Urban Core. I am happy
in this hotel room: large and luxurious, with a separate alcove con-
taining a desk, chairs, fax machine, and two telephones. Everything
a lawyer could want for an extended visit. I leave all the lights burn-
ing and head downstairs.
     Charlie reads a magazine in the fern-and-wood-chip lobby. He has
gotten directions to one of the suburb's finest dining establishments.
We retrieve the rental car from an underground attendant and drive
silently past buildings with numbers in the tens of thousands. Have
we traveled that far from the center or are the addresses an illusion
of distance, two zeros added for comfort?
     We pull into a shopping mall. The usual stores greet us. The bland
homogeneity of America like pasteurization: a forced removal of for-
eign objects. The restaurant turns out to have been recently reviewed
by The New York Times, which makes Charlie happy, and he spends

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a good twenty minutes scrutinizing the menu before settling back to
order dinner and a Coke, his sixth or eighth of the day.
     Sitting there, listening to Charlie praise the food and criticize
Hamilton Williams, I wish I were eating a sandwich in my hotel bed
rather than making forced conversation with a co-worker. The
thought of room service, an old movie on television, a drink from
the mini-bar, telephone calls to long-distant friends, seems much
more appealing than the finest dining experience the Detroit suburbs
have to offer. Who is this man? I wonder. Why are we forced to
socialize? We break bread, raise our glasses, and I don't even like
him. I share the large majority of my meals with strangers, a charter
member of C & C's breakfast, lunch, and dinner club.
     Charlie's face is flushed. He speaks about law like a man enrap-
tured. He tells me his theory of this case, how the laws against rack-
eteering are being perverted by civil plaintiffs seeking treble
damages. There's a difference between organized-crime activity and
price-fixing, he insists. Besides, sharing information about prices is
smart business, not an antitrust violation. I wonder if he has read a
book, seen a movie, listened to any good music lately. Is he as un-
happy to be with me as I am with him? What if we dispensed with
the facade and admitted we'd rather eat takeout alone in our rooms?
You're a bore, I'd say, and you're nasty; I don't give a shit about
your stupid case or your chances of making partner. I'm going back
to my room to watch The African Queen. And he'd say, I feel the
same way. You're whiny and self-involved; I couldn't care less about
your career angst and search for self-fulfillment. Then we'd shake
hands and agree that we didn't like each other and that socializing
with co-workers was a dumb idea to begin with.
     In this way the world would become a better place.

Under the rules of federal and state procedure, each side in a civil
lawsuit is required to turn over information requested by the other
side relating to all claims and defenses. The information may consist
of documents, or testimony from witnesses, or the bases for certain
allegations, or anything else that could "lead to the discovery of

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admissible evidence." Only on television can lawyers summon a sur-
prise witness into the courtroom. In a real trial they would be sanc-
tioned for failing to reveal the identity of the witness in the pretrial
"discovery" process and the witness would not be permitted to tes-
tify.
     If only it were that simple! Because, as in any system of rules, the
rules are merely the parameters around which lawyers may sneak,
manipulate, obfuscate, and delay. With the noble sentiment of "lev-
eling the playing field" so that no party has an undue informational
advantage, the writers of the discovery rules created a multilevel
playing field where the information-rich can kick the information-
poor in the head and escape unscathed. "Discovery" is anything but.
     For example, if you represent a Very Large Corporation, and you
receive a Request for Production of Documents from a plaintiff suing
the corporation for antitrust violations, and the request seeks "all
documents relating to pricing agreements," something that could
easily lead the plaintiff to admissible evidence if, let's say, those
agreements showed that your client shared information about prices
with its competitors in order to monopolize a market, you will do
everything within the rules to resist the request.
     First, you will write written objections to the request: Overbroad;
Vague; Not reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of ad-
missible evidence; Unduly burdensome. You don't want this plaintiff 
walking around with copies of your client's sensitive financial information.
Second, you will call the attorney for the plaintiff and pretend to be
reasonable: your request is too broad, you'll say, what are you really
looking for? The plaintiff's lawyer, who is information-poor, will tell
you he needs everything; he doesn't want you to make the deter-
mination as to what is reasonable. Third, after you've failed to reach
any accommodation after a long delay, the plaintiff's attorney will
file a motion to compel the production of the documents, which you
will oppose. He will accuse you of stonewalling and bad faith;
you will accuse him of harassment. The court, after sitting on the
motion, will split the baby: some documents for you, some docu-
ments for him. Fourth, you will go back to the document request

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and finely parse the language of the request. What is meant by "pric-
ing agreements"? Internal agreements? Intrasubsidiary agreements?
Agreements reached with the outside world? The court's first order
will always leave you some wiggle room. (You know the documents,
after all; the court does not.) You will decide to interpret "pricing
agreements" in its narrowest possible sense consistent with the
court's ruling and give the plaintiff only those publicly available doc-
uments relating to prices charged for finished goods. The plaintiff's
attorney, if he's smart enough, will notice your selective omission
and will repeat steps two through four above. At some point in this
process, the plaintiff will be sold or go into bankruptcy, and the
trustee will settle the case for much less than it's worth.
     Or, an alternative scenario: every pricing agreement can't possibly
be admissible evidence (your client makes goods, for example, that
the plaintiff never purchased). The plaintiff's attorney requests all
agreements anyway, knowing that the burden placed upon your cli-
ent in having to track down all agreements, and the uneasiness of
turning every pricing agreement over to this plaintiff, are battle
points in a struggle for economic survival. The plaintiff is no David,
after all, but an industrial Goliath who uses the weapons of litigation
to force your client to reduce its prices. The parties will fight the
scope of the discovery request in court, until your client, concerned
that it will have to reveal its internal financial data, or beleaguered
by the cost of fighting, or both, will capitulate and pay the plaintiff
a large sum of money to go away.
     The merits of the case--whether, in fact, your client actually fixed
prices in violation of the antitrust laws--will never be resolved. The
merits will never even be litigated. Instead, the parties will spend all
their time, effort, and dollars litigating the scope and type of infor-
mation disclosed in the discovery process. At C & C it would not
be an exaggeration to say that eighty percent of all dollars billed on
a single case were related to discovery. Hundreds of thousands of
dollars to maintain the status quo, to preserve the information-rich
at the expense of the information-poor. Thousands of lawyer hours
to keep the discovery process as unrevealing as possible. The best

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minds of a generation thinking of new ways to manipulate, distort,
and conceal.

Charlie wants to call it a day.
     "We're getting the lay of the land," he explains as we peer down
rows and rows of files in the stadium-sized warehouse.
     When Carrie delivered us here yesterday, she left us to our own
devices. The men whose files we needed had departed the company,
been fired, were retired, or resigned in the wake of the price-fixing
allegations. Dekor Industries, the good corporate citizen, reported
their anticompetitive activity to the proper authorities as soon as it
became aware of them, or at least within six months. As a reward,
it now suffered the indignity of a civil lawsuit.
     "There's no sense killing ourselves," Charlie continues. "You can
take your time next week."
     I do not miss his subtle shift in personal pronouns. I stare out
across the vast landscape; it could be the Sahara. I'm beginning to
miss the library.
     "You've done document production before," says Charlie, less a
question than a proclamation.
     "Once or twice," I lie.
     "It's easy," he says. "Bury them with junk, withhold the privileged
documents, flag anything that looks dangerous."
     I remember the one "deal" I worked on last summer, the matter
that convinced me to avoid the corporate department and stick with
litigation. We had spent the night at the client's offices, proofreading
prospectuses and eating M&M's. The associate who brought me
along had me review certain documents. "Due diligence," he called
it, which I later learned is when a law firm involved in a deal has
reviewed corporate documents and found them to be in order. The
client was a large insurance company that was buying, or being
bought by, I never figured it out, another insurer. I went into a small
room where someone had gathered ten boxes of documents, from
who or where or why I did not know, with the instruction to flag
anything that "looked bad." I saw thousands of pages of gobbledy-

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gook, insurance and business jargon that meant nothing to me. I was
looking for documents that said "steal ten million dollars from share-
holders" or "defraud investors." Of course, I found no such docu-
ments. I was in a panic for much of the night, thinking I might have
missed such a document cleverly disguised in business-ese, until I
reassured myself that if my job had any meaning, the corporate as-
sociate would not have let a summer associate with no training do
it. Or so I hoped.
     I have a million questions, but each one feels more stupid than
the next. Charlie seems to be sneering at me, daring me to ask some-
thing ridiculous so he can confirm my incompetence.
     "What's dangerous?" I finally manage.
     Charlie laughs, his blotchy face turning all different colors of red.
"Everything," he says, as if we're sharing a joke. "Any other ques-
tions?"
     I wonder if the warehouse has an emergency exit. Could I flee
through the nearest door and escape into suburban anonymity? Or
have the doors been shuttered, nailed shut to prevent premature
departures? Decomposing associates molder in the dank and airless
corners. I shake my head.
     "Good," says Charlie. "Then let's get out of this hellhole."

Here's what you don't learn in law school:
     You're in a warehouse. Tin-roofed. Poorly ventilated. Barely lit.
You've been deposited here by the enthusiastic assistant of a man
with two last names. Good luck, she wished you as she closed the
door. You think you heard it lock.
     You're looking for documents. Specifically, you're responding to
a Request for Production of Documents. This is an evil that lawyers
do to each other in the name of "discovery." They ask your client 
to turn over thousands of pages of documents--memos, reports,
letters, brochures, books--anything on paper or magnetic tape that
might possibly be relevant to their client's claims against your client.
Your client is a corporation. It doesn't have only one file. It has
thousands of employees and tens of thousands of files. You have to

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search each one to weed out relevant documents. That's why you're
in this warehouse. Your client keeps old files here.
     The enthusiastic assistant has done some work for you. She's iso-
lated rows of files belonging to employees and former employees
who might have been involved in the activities leading to the claims
in this lawsuit. Most of the employees will soon be under indictment.
You didn't ask for specifics. The man with two last names seemed
touchy on that subject.
     You've developed a system. You don't actually read each docu-
ment. You scan/flip through folders, looking for words like "Pur-
chase ," "Transaction," "Account," "Conspiracy." If you see any of
these words you stop and skim the document. If more words jump
out, you may actually read the document.
     If truth be told, you don't actually know what you're doing. No
one's explained it to you. You remember reviewing documents that
another associate had gathered in another case. But you never saw the
gathering process, only the end result, and the associate was gone and
forgotten by the time you had your hands in his papers. Now you are
that associate. The senior associate who abandoned you in this non-
descript and forgotten parcel of the country told you to copy anything
remotely relevant and flag the dangerous documents, the ones that
discuss secret pacts and hidden arrangments. He told you to call him
with any questions. You've tried to be careful, but it's equatorial in
this warehouse, and that's when you developed your system.
     Here's your terrible mistake, the blunder you will carry with you
from your law firm without revealing:
     You've made two piles. On the left, a wall of boxes, remotely
relevant and innocuous. On the right, a stack of documents. The
wall on the left is what you'll send to the overnight copy service, the
people whose job is actually more miserable than yours. They'll copy
and do something called "Bates stamping" and deliver three times
as many boxes to you a week later in New York. The other pile, the
smaller pile, is the documents that implicate your client in crimes,
antitrust violations, fraud. You've pulled the documents from folders
in the boxes and stacked the pages in the pile. You plan to show

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them to the senior associate. Let him figure out what's criminal and
what's merely uncivil. But here's what you realize at the end of two
weeks: you have forgotten where they came from.
     This is a problem. First, you'll never be able to return the docu-
ments to their proper place. Second, the documents, according to
the rules for these things, must be copied "as they are kept in the
usual course of business." If they are in a folder, the label has to be
copied or the folder replicated. If they are in a folder in a box with
a label, the same replication must occur. The senior associate will
not ask if the folders and boxes were labeled. You will not volunteer
this information. The senior associate will eventually produce the
documents to the other side and no one will ever suspect what they
looked like in their pristine state. Except you.
     How could you know this? You learned it accidentally, and too
late, from a phone call to a friend with mysterious sources of infor-
mation. There was no course called Document Production at Har-
vard. No one explained "Bates stamping" or making multiple copies
or reproducing file labels or sitting in a warehouse sweating your ass
off. It turns out you'll spend the greater part of your associate life
producing documents, reviewing documents, arguing about docu-
ments, but no one has bothered to train you in the art of copying
and refiling documents or the intricacies of making multiple replicate
folders.
     Eventually, you'll become an expert. You will command paralegals
and associates more junior than you are. You will actually try to
teach these skills to the wretched souls who follow in your footsteps.
But right now, sitting on a box in that warehouse, the air stinking
 of mildewed cardboard, miles from another human being, you put
your head in your hands and begin to cry.

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